I've been rather stressed these few days. So many test. Plus the upcoming common test and rushing all my assignments. I don't have time to have at least 6hrs rest. I've been waking up at 4am to rush on my assignments. Haiz. School's been pretty hard. I'm glad my friends were there to spice up everything. Today is a short day in school. IA was fun. This time, more interesting and understandable. Bad news: Lecturer was on MC. This soft-spoken female lecturer took over. She's a thousand more better than that mumbling lecturer. Felicia Chin, CH8 mediacorp actress was in NP in canteen 1. Every students keep crowding around her, eager to take a picture of her. And my dearest classmate, Eugene was a big fan of her. So he did took a shot of him and Felicia together with the help of Nicholas(my lab partner). Smartest thing is that Nicholas only took Eugene's face together with Felicia whereas there is another 2 stranger beside her who was supposed to be in the picture but was not taken at all. GAAHAHAHAA! Smart hor!
I did some of my Green Vision research in the library. Then, had dinner with Faizal. Hang around. Home by 8plus. And now, i'm rushing my report writing. GRRR! Before i forget. Thanks to Rhoda for that short and sweet dinner date at LJS. Love gossiping and bitching around with you. Let's have more of that soon. HEH HEH! LOVE YOU! My leg is so much in pain. I had a jog yesterday after 2314704320 years not jogging. SIAO UHHH! But it was fun cause i did release some stress and had time for myself.to be EMO. HEHEHEHE! So overall, the whole week was okayokay. Counting down to common test. I have not start revising. DAMN! =)))) Weekends again soon. HAHA! LOVES.
I don't know what is wrong with me. Everything around me reminds me of him. It's been a month. Can i just let it go and do not bear a grudge? Why i can't seems to commit? I keep venting my anger on this poor man. Why didn't i spare a thought of him? We had an accident earlier on. He banged a car. I should pity him cause he might have suffer from shock. But instead, i was mad at him for being careless. C'mon. No one knows that's gonna happen right? Why am i so unreasonable? All of a sudden, i feel that he don't deserve me. He's better off with someone else better. I'm nothing. I'm tired of being mad. I need an assurance that this is the man for me. Is it really just some donkey love? I want to have a true love. I don't wish to give him up that easily. He's not expressive enough. Does he really love me?
And i'm sorry for putting you in such difficult situation at times. I want you.
Walking down the memory lane. How far have i moved on? Why am i still stuck on the ground and refuse to move? Why HE affected my life drastically that i am still so into him? Not love but do think of him. His absence seems to have a big impact. But why can't i simply ignore? Ignore and do my own stuff. I'm blessed with a nice boyfriend. I'm really thankful for that. It's true what Faizal always say to me. Girls bring their sadness everywhere while guys forgets everything. Why must it be us? Have i forgotten what he had done to me, my life and myself? The beatings, the quarrels, stupid fights, the foolish mat life. The man who ruined everything in me and just walked out innocently, as though nothing ever did happen and yet he puts the blame on me. My heart seems like a rock now. It is so hard for me to open up to Faizal at times. I can't help it.
The memories of him and me keep playing in my head like some spoil tape. Everything that comes out of my mouth is his name, his actions and all about him. When can i ever stop talking about him? Will it takes me forever to forget him? Faizal don't deserve such treatment. And i admit i am still adapting to his style and his way of doing things. I realise i do treat him differently compared to the way i treat Asri. I bow to Asri but to him, i show him my anger, my happiness, my tears, my tantrums. I throw tantrums at him when i'm in a foul mood. WHAT IS THIS? Why must this beautiful man deserve this shit from me? I am so sorry. I'm not being emo here. I'm just wondering when will things going to change? Just what do i lack of as a woman?
Beauty isn't everything. I've no beauty. I don't regret leaving him. It was my choice. I had to even though i didn't want to. I don't see a future in him. I don't wish to drag this relationship to only know that i will leave him one day. I never did regret. Just disappointed that it wasn't meant to be. I am so glad my family and friends were there to support me. The decision was so right. But the love was too strong to be easily forgotten This has been troubling me for quite some time. And that is why i choose to let it out. Keeping it inside will only hurt me even more. I want to love again. Love my Faizal. Can i do it? Can i just forget everything? I love my Faizal.
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