IVF (2nd cycle fail)

My instinct was telling me my 2nd cycle is going to fail again. When i test using the hpt, it was negative at 7dp5dt. My second test was on the 30th dec when i was on vacation with my husband. It was negative. Not even a light fading line. I knew it failed. I don't feel any cramps and my tummy feels nothing. I was so heartbroken. I don't know what else i should do. I feel so lost. I don't know when will we have our own kids. I know we're gonna be great parents someday. I'm so disappointed in myself. I keep blaming myself for putting so much hope this time. Even my husband did put hope on the embryos to grow. He really took care of me during our HK vacation. I feel so useless because i keep disappointing him. I don't understand why is it so hard to conceive when people around me did it so easily and effortlessly. I really want to have a baby. This is getting so tough. I keep crying everyday. Every time i think about this ivf, my tears just keep flowing down. No one really understand what i'm going through. The whole process is so tiring. I really want to end this whole drama. I'm so sick of taking medicine and getting jabs. I'm really trying hard. It's putting so much pressure on me. ):

Few days ago, I met my doc for my ivf review. I had no embryo left from the previous cycle. I had to do the trigger jab all over again. Haiz. Ya Allah, please give me strength to do this all over again. If this is what i have to go through, so be it. Keep me strong. Keep me and my husband strong to face the obstacles that we're going through. Amin. My next ivf is scheduled in March. Meantime, i should get ample rest to prepare for next cycle. Bless us with good health please.

IVF (2nd Cycle done)

Surprise surprise! I did my frozen embryo transfer two days ago. That went fast actually. I'm currently on HL until 17 December. I'm surprised at how fast the whole procedure went. Last week i remembered the doc told me my lining was 4.9 and few days later, she said it was 7 so i can be ready for my transfer. Ultimate good news. My ivf center will be closing from 17 dec onwards till new year. So mine is considered their last assignment case before they close for cleaning. Me and hubby was very delighted to hear the news. I had to rush from work to the hospital for the last minute call for the transfer.

Alhamdulilah for the smooth FET despite the hubby is not around to accompany me. I came home alone and went on bed rest for the day. I will take good care of myself this time round. Make myself happy and i'm looking forward to our hk trip soon. I can check my pregnancy blood test once i came back. I pray for good news. Amin. May HE take good care of my 2 embies. 


Thank you hubby for always being there for me. Happy 86 months to us!

Happy December!

Yea December is finally here. Here's to welcoming kiah into woodlands checkpoint. Our reunion picture posted above. I have more friends at work now. Yay! Looking forward to Christmas liao. I need my holiday quick! Too tired. Too fat now. Too sleepy. I need my HK trip asap. Ciao! Love u hubby muacks.

Girlfriends ketchup!

I love my girlfriends. They're not literally there when i need them most but i love how our friendship is simple and we always ask about each other updates every now and then. Finally a catchup! Seafood dinner and hangout over red velvet frappe. Awesome friendship we have. (: 

AFF Suzuki Cup 2014.

 

We managed to catch the suzuki cup match this year. Singapore VS Myanmar which we won 4-2. Singapore VS Malaysia which we lost to them 1-3. Hah. It was such a fun and happy atmosphere. Fans cheering, the kallang wave and the pong pong made it seems like we're celebrating ndp instead. I feel neutral. Not sad about their loss. Just a memorable event for us. I've never seen my hubby so happy dancing away whenever our Singapore players scored. Good game! Worth my sleepless nights. (:

Work Friends.

Badminton with guys at work. Good game!





 

Team Bonding last week with my fellow SMAs. Surprisingly, they got me a birthday cake & present. I'm so in love with my gift. My awesome Melissa sandals that i've been wanting to have. Thanks to the mak neneks for everything. Pleasantly surprised.

So Leila came to our checkpoint for her 2nd posting. Here's our welcoming picture. And we're expecting the arrival of Kiah soon on the 26th. Haha finally a reunion for our travel kaki gangs at the checkpoint. A suey moment for both of them cause the second command is usually spend longer. lol.

Last but not least, movie date at Bukit Indah beanieplex threatre. So awesome! The 3 hours movie was worth every cents and the pizza feast. To many more movies together ya. Love you hub.

IVF (Post Review)

So on the 3rd of Nov, i met up with my doc Veronique at kkh. She has always been the one checking up on me. So she told me that there's no reason she could provide for my previous failed ivf. When it fails, it fails with no reason. There's only a 30% chance of success. She told me to not give up.

So I'm all set for my next ivf which is due in nov/dec. I'm right now on pills to induce my menses and it should come around this week or next. But, this time i'm trying a different method using blastocyst culture method. What's blastocyst if you're wondering? Blastocyst culture and transfer is a technique developed for in vitro fertilization (IVF). This procedure intends to maximize pregnancy rates while minimizing the risk of multiple pregnancies. Embryos are typically cultured for 3 days (cleavage stage with 4-10 cells) before being transferred into the uterus.

Good luck to me. Pray for my well being. I should eat healthily from now on. May this ivf be a successful one if not i have to start back to square one and go through the daily jabs. ): 



 

Mariah Carey live in Singapore.

 

She performed last night at the Singapore Sports Hub. Sigh. Such a wonderful concert. It was my first. Maybe i'm jakun. But, she really did sang well. I'm so proud of her and myself for coming down to her show. She started on time and ended the night well with her all time favourite hit wonder. Thank you for singing the songs that i've memorised. Heartbreaker, honey, we belong together, my all, always be my baby, hero............. 

I love you. Thanks mimi for ending my 25th on such high note. Muacks. xoxo. Come again soon ok. Let's watch her sing now.

 My All

  Hero

  We Belong Together

Always Be My Baby







Love you mimi.

IVF : Negative Result

The 2WW was long over. I came for my blood test on the 13th. I shouldn't have come to work. The result came negative. I couldn't held back my tears. All day i was at work, crying. I didn't know what went wrong. What could have possibly gone wrong?  It was my most heartbreaking moment. Every time my friends texted me comforting words to cheer me up, it gets worse.I need my husband hugs at that moment. I was crying badly at my workplace. Trying my best to choke back the tears. I just want to leave work, sit at home and cry my hearts out.

I knew it was negative. My instinct was so strong yet i put hope that there might be a miracle somewhere. Everything just crumbles down when i heard the nurse called me up & say it was a negative result. And when i stopped my medication, my menses came 2 days later. That's even worse. I'm just tired of trying. Tired of hoping. Haiz. I'm sick of all these. I know this is a test from HIM. It's not my time yet and i accept that i was never meant to be pregnant yet. Maybe someday i hope HE hear my prayers and grant me a baby. I hope that one day i can be a mother. God knows when that one day will be. ):

My next appointment is on the 3rd to review my results. I'll never give up hoping. Wish me luck.

Thank you hub for hearing my cries. Hugging me and telling me everything is going to be okay. For not minding your sick wife who cannot conceive naturally. For always encouraging me during medication days. For pushing me beyond my limits. Your presence makes me stronger to face hard times. We'll get through this. Insya allah. Better days will come.

Hubby 28th.

We went uss on his birthday. It was a free ticket for three actually. We came about 2pm as it was raining in the morning. We had lunch at Goldilocks. (; Love the chicken & fried bun. We went for Shrek 4d show, some kiddy rides like dinosaur ride, carousel and sort of a teapot ride also. Got to take picture with oscar and munch on churros. Okay lah since it's our first uss together. I don't fancy thrill rides. I feel bad for my hub who's trying to psycho me to get on the mummy's ride. hahahaha.

We left at 5. Rush to pick our raw bbq food for tonight's bbq plan with kiah & alzrin at the usuals, yishun dam. I accidentally ordered 40 wings hahahahahha. W-aste my money je. The food was so good. Should do it again soon. Busy chit chatting the night away till wee hours. They even got us a birthday cake to celebrate our birthdays! Thank you. Appreciate that a lot. Happy birthday to my dearest hub. Thank you thank you thank you for being AWESOME ALWAYS. I really had fun getting married to you and you make my everyday more funnier and happening. Thanks for all the little gestures you did to make feel loved. Let's pray that one day you'll be a good daddy and we'll be good parents one day. Muacks. I love you forever. Hope you like the many t-shirts i got you and slippers.