She passed away.

My paternal grandma passed away this morning. At that moment, i was still in a deep sleep, dreaming miles away. Cousin came knocking at our house door to inform us regarding grandma's bad condition. At 7am, sis smsed me to get up and rush to the mortuary. I rushed and i managed to see her lying peacefully in the mortuary room. I did not even shed a single tear while looking at her face for a good one minute. It turns out to be what i expected all along cause her condition had deteriorated when i last saw her at the hospital on the day of hari raya haji.

When i brought her for a dementia checkup last few weeks, she was so calm and quiet. She cannot walk or stand for more than 5 minutes and is sleeping all day, totally clueless of what's going on around her. The only good thing was, she remembers me. She do recognize me cause i have been ferrying her to and fro poly/nuh for her monthly medical checkups. Though i complain of how lethargic i am to take charge of her medication, urine checkup and answering the retard docs questions, i am satisfied to have at least spend an hour or two with her and in some ways, helped out in whatever i can, to cater to her needs. Frankly speaking, during my childhood years, i did not have a single positive memory of her. Mum dislike her cause she shows favouritism between her daughters and daughter-in-law. Therefore, we hardly visit her except when she's sick or any festive occasion. To be able to spend some time with her, holding her hands and answering her repetitive questions makes me happy and relieved, that at least, she might know that i do care for her too. She thinks i'm married every time faizal is standing next to me. (:

The day she passed away, her sons and daughters were about to meet up and discuss on who should look after her when she's discharged. That has always been an issue in this family. She has 4 sons and 4 daughters. Her daughters whom she dotes most eventually turned their backs on her when she's old, sick and worthless. Sad isn't it? 2 of her daughters didn't turned up today. Why everyone still hold grudges despite her departure? It was such a teary scene as only few people was there at the cemetery and i'm surprised to see some unfamiliar faces who's actually my cousin. What a messed up relatives i have on my dad's side. I am so confused as to who is who as they have not even appeared in my entire twenty years of life. Cause the family feuds started way back twenty years ago and they have never meet one another ever since then. It's sad that i can't do anything about it and the hot-tempered dad is never going to make his first move to reunite his siblings back again. It's a shame that everyone comes up with different stories to badmouth one another and we don't know who to trust anymore.

My grandfather appeared very calm and in his usual self. He's aware of his wife's death but i'm not sure whether he has come to terms with it cause he seems to be in a daze. He is very close to his wife and always insist on visiting my grandma every single day. He doesn't sound romantic in any way but he sure loves his wife very much. And, i really hope my aunt will look after him well and stop passing around the duties. Don't make money such a big issue.

Grandma was buried at 2pm. Sinah Bte Atan. She's 82 years old.
Semoga roh-nya ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yg beriman. Amin.
Thanks girls for your smses. Thanks bf for sending me to nuh without showering and the endless support from you. Let's all pray for her and be grateful to what we have now. Good night.